When you meet someone you know nothing about you talk with her, you listen to her. You are just trying to get closer and closer. But at the same time what will eventually be the reason for the both of you to fall apart is also growing. So in the long run the closer you get to someone, the more you two will be apart.
Or am i just being crazy?
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If thinking like that means being crazy, then most of us are crazy too. That’s the old problem of comitting. There are basically two ways of living your life: one is never comitting, never getting to know someone and therefore preventing yourself from falling into unwanted suffering territory; the other one is comitting, considering that the “now” is more important and that it is worth getting to know someone even if in the future that will only make things harder…
What I don’t agree with in your line of thought is that you seem to believe in a certain inevitability, fatality even, in the falling apart of a relationship. This fatality never exists when you are in a relationship (otherwise there would be no relationship). Maybe a consideration like this one is only possible for someone on the outside.
Here’s a poem by Ricardo Reis that I like and that seems appropriate right now:
Não tenhas nada nas mãos
Nem uma memória na alma,
Que quando te puserem
Nas mãos o óbolo último,
Ao abrirem-te as mãos
Nada te cairá.
Que trono te querem dar
Que Átropos to não tire?
Que louros que não fanem
Nos arbítrios de Minos?
Que horas que te não tornem
Da estatura da sombra
Que serás quando fores
Na noite e ao fim da estrada.
Colhe as flores mas larga-as,
Das mãos mal as olhaste.
Senta-te ao sol. Abdica
E sê rei de ti próprio.
Thanks Paulo… You can really understand me. That’s why i miss you so much and hardly talk with you these days. That few hours of walking and drinking a beer in my terrace where some of the best moments i’ve had. They will have to suffice for the next couple of months.
I know you can feel so i send you one enormous hug.
I’m pretty confident that I don’t understand you
And that’s a good thing.
I guess that sometimes, not talking to someone who is away is in fact a sign that you miss him but don’t go making that an habit, please. I’m online most of the working week and (unfortunately) I’m not that busy a man these days. If you need to talk, not talking seems like a stupid thing to do. Even if this talking is not really talking but writing
There’s always Skype if you want…
A lot of my family members back home complain that I don’t show any feelings of nostalgia. Well, right now I would like to go against that assumption and tell you that I do feel it and your memories of those moments we spent are also vivid for me. I miss walking and drinking with you. A lot. And yes, your terrace is a wonderful place of which I also keep very personal memories.
Staying late at the office is not a new experience for me, at all. But when I finally make my mind up and leave, I feel very, very unfortunate that I can’t call you or some of my other friends up to go for a walk and a drink. Instead I have to head home, alone. Sure you have “friends”, but can you call someone you’ve met for 3 or 4 months a friend? There’s nostalgia for you.
Thanks for the hug. Here’s one for you. I probably won’t return to Portugal until the 23rd of December… Sorry.